Daydreams and Daisy
by shadow-mere14
Summary: A Dragon Age AU where Hawke, Merrill, and company are in college. Hawke struggles with depression and PTSD while falling in love with Merrill. Rated M for future chapters and intense psychological dealings.
Author's note:

Please forgive me. I know I haven't posted in a long time. There's been a lot going on and new stages of life have been happening. I want to thank maximasdecis for the inspiration of this story. I've been rereading and getting caught up on A World Without Shadows. This idea popped into my head the other day while I was at work. Female Hawke and Merrill is my favorite pairing of all time. I will do my best to stay true to the characters. This is an AU and I imagine it's really different from most of the postings out there. I will be editing this chapter soon. I have an anime convention that I'm going to this weekend and I'll be very busy. Feel free to comment and follow. Any feedback is greatly appreciated. Thank you.

Daydreams and Daisy

xHx

* * *

It's Thursday morning in biology. Another three hour long lecture that bores my ears. Yes. Three hours worth of biology with no break half way through. I guess that's what I get for taking an accelerated bio class. The semester is about a month in and the class has dwindled to about half its original size. I doubt there will be more than a quarter of the students left at the end of the semester. Poor kids couldn't keep up. I couldn't blame them. This instructor is really boring. I would've dropped this class in favor of another one if I didn't have to hear this monotone, feeble, elderly lady talk for three hours once a week. The problem is, there's not another accelerated bio class. I know all this stuff already. The system is so messed up and I hate it. Why waste my money on a class that I've already taken? The answer: there's only tests for certain classes and this isn't one of those classes. What sense does any of that make?

Lost in my own musing and subconsciously writing notes, I notice a new student slip into a row of seats in front of me. I thought this class was closed now. I couldn't tell much about this new student. They looked female by studying their frame, has long black hair that is braided, and is on the shorter side, having to strain over the students in front of her.

I shake my head, no need to get all worked up over a new student. She probably won't last long. Yet I still feel drawn to her.

The instructor drones on about the missing link between apes and humans, making sides notes about how other species are closer to us than apes. I sigh, feeling myself slip away into a day dream, though I still keep a good grasp on reality, still writing notes on the lecture that seems to take eternity.

It's nice outside, summer just began, and I'm walking along a stream. I have a bow strung across my back, a quiver full of arrows, and two daggers, one resting on each hip. I'm tracking a heard of dear, not to hunt, but to observe. These are special dear, rare and unique. They're white, nearly silver, with horns that are twisted and grow in beautiful shapes. From a distance, they look like really big goats. No one knows hardly anything about them. I've been wanting to get away from the city, away from all of the terrible things that happen there. The muggings, the side alley rapes, the whores making money, the blood trails that end suddenly. I just needed to get away. There's too much negative energy around me. Father always told me I had a soft heart. This is my way of forgetting about the loss of Carver and Bethany, my little brother and sister…

I shake my head to clear it. I can't be thinking about that right now. I really need to talk to someone about this… this thing that my mind is doing. It scares me, but I've learned how to manage it, cope with it. The day dreams that my brain conjures up keeps me going, even on my really bad days.

The instructor finally ends her long winded and boring lecture and class is over. I put my stuff away, take out my phone, plug in my ear buds, turn on my favorite playlist on shuffle, and start walking. Music and day dreams… those are my escapes.

As I'm walking out, I accidentally bump shoulders with someone. I take out my ear buds and turn to apologize, not realizing that the person I bumped shoulders with is the new student. I was correct in my observations. The new student is female, slim, with braided black hair, and just a little shorter than me. I open my mouth to apologize, but she beats me to it.

"I'm so sorry. I should be more careful. I'm not used to so many people around me. I'm not used to being in large crowed places. I'm sorry, I'm rambling."

Her voice is soft and has an accent. Her eyes are a stunning green and she is hunched slightly, as though protecting herself. She starts to fidget, her fingers playing with a string on her shirt. I'm taking too long to respond. What a great impression I'm making.

"It's okay. It wasn't your fault. I had my music in and didn't watch who was around me. You weren't rambling to me. You were just trying to explain yourself," I say, showing her that I'm not mad or anything of that nature. I stick out my hand, "I'm Hawke."

She looks at my hand nervously then shakes it. "I'm Merrill. Hawke? Like the bird? Oh wait, that was a stupid thing to say." She blushes in embarrassment.

I chuckle at her words. "I get that a lot. It's not a stupid thing to say. I don't much look like the bird. I'm nowhere near majestic enough, nor do I have wings."

I'm rewarded with a giggle that turns into a laugh. I guess it was funny. I really like Merrill. She makes me feel… happy. Something I haven't felt in a long time.

I hear someone clear their throat and I see a familiar face come from a dark corner in the hall. I shake my head and say sarcastically, "Isabella, are you stalking more innocence to convert? I hear stalking is a crime."

"Oh shut up Hawke. You know I was waiting for you to get out of that dreadful class. Though I didn't mind, there's too many asses around here to stare at," she says while looking at the rear of someone walking down the hall. I shake my head. Isabella will be Isabella, and that means hearing all of the unnecessary remarks she has to say about people and their 'attractiveness'.

"So who's this cute little thing Hawke? She's so adorable; I could eat her in one gulp."

I heard a gasp come from behind me and turn around. _Oh no_. The decrepit instructor heard everything. It's not like she hasn't heard it before. Things of that nature tend to mean the same thing across every generation. I see her take out a small cross from her pocket and hold it to her chest as she walks by, muttering something about how corrupted the younger people are.

"I hope she isn't offended. Though I don't know what you mean. I thought cannibalism was illegal and banned in most parts of the world," Merrill says in a quiet and innocent voice.

"Oh Kitten, you have so much to learn. I don't even know where to begin. Oh wait, never mind. I know exactly where to begin. Which do you prefer, male or female?" Leave it to Isabella to jump right in and ask all of the sexual questions first. I shake my head and follow behind the two as they start to walk, half listening to their conversation.

"What do you mean Isabella?"

"I mean who do you prefer when you have intimate actions?"

"I don't really know to be honest. I wasn't really allowed to have any relationships or really interact much with my peers. I was forced to be alone and study. I was always picked on by both girls and boys in my classes. I didn't feel like I actually belonged there, anywhere."

Wow. She didn't have a problem opening up right away. I wish I could be like that. I wish I could talk to people about how I grew up. No one knows except me and my dog. Mother doesn't even know… I feel tears coming to my eyes. Why now? I can't let anyone see. No one needs to know.

I slip away unnoticed, Isabella and Merrill caught up in their conversation. I really wanted to stay and listen. I like making friends, when people actually want to be around me. I walk quickly to my hiding spot. It's the only place on campus that no one will ever find. The one place that talks to me. Not literally talk, but I can talk out my feelings and the walls just listen, Walls are the greatest listeners.

My secret hiding spot is a rock outcrop surrounded by more rocks located under one of the low bridges that leads to the park. The rocks, the smells, the sounds of the wild life remind me of home, or what used to be home. More tears build in my eyes. I don't even fight them. I'm tired of holding my emotions in, but I have to. Crying shows weakness and no one can know how weak I am, how easy it is to break me. Just a few words can make me crumble and completely fall apart.


End file.
